I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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