you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
you had me at cake vodka
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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