i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
