Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
