Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
