Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's shark week go big or go home
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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