I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
