he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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