I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
