don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
