i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
