Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
