It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
