her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
