Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
