i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
