I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
