I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We have started to decorate penises.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
