I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize