This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize