I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
