There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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