Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
