Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
