we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
