What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
