Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
