this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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