You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
