please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
