it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
