ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
