haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
