I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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