There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
