We named our party play list daddy issues
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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