i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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