He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
