Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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