I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
