Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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