I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
