so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
