I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
