I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
