we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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