you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize