i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
