Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
