What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize