i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize