you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize