Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
