i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize