I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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