My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
