Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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