atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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