I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
