So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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