laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
