my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
