dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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