His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
