i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
