can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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