You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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