Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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