I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
